Dream of a new reality

A few weeks ago, I climbed Table Mountain with Jenn and two other lovely ladies. It was 18.8 miles and 10 hours of hiking. It was not easy at all but the journey was more than worth the physical and emotional toil. It showed me how strong I am and how determined to keep going that I really am and it is providing me a useful analogy for this year.

Suddenly, it’s Aug. 1, 2020. I am sitting on my bed with Buttercup a-snooze near my feet. I’m still in my PJs and I have my headphones on listening to the few songs I have on my August playlist.

August is usually the month of the year that I look forward to celebrating all the joys of my life. I live it up and immerse myself in frivolity. This year it snuck up on me while I was pushing through the indescribable turmoil of 2020.

I have no grandiose plans this month. My plans are to stay healthy and safe and sane by whatever means that takes. And I suppose those are the same plans I have had every August, they’re just simplified now.

This year there are no concerts to wrap myself up in. There’s no trip planned anywhere. There’s just the perpetual act of facing reality every day. I am also determined to get really creative and really grateful. One of my assignments for a seminar I am taking via Zoom is to cultivate a sense of awe and wonder in every area of my life, so I will do that too.

I’m wishing I had more to offer everyone right now. However, there’s just so much going on in the world that the only thing I have to offer is to keep enjoying life. Do the hard work of standing up for justice and then make time for the joy of life – whatever that looks like for you.

Start by giving yourself grace. Heaps of it. We’re all operating at a new level of stressed out that we’ve adjusted to and forgotten that we’re in full-on survival mode. I’m committed to switching gears. Obviously, I’m surviving. I’m still here. I am helping my communities and I am working every day for a better future. So good, check that off the list. I am surviving a massively chaotic year.

Now it’s time to thrive. What does that mean? For me, it means I won’t be looking over my shoulder in fear. I won’t be worrying about what is going to happen next. I will practice being present in the here and now. That sounds overly simple and a little played out, but it remains all I have. Me and a cat a-snooze on the bed.

This week I started thinking about goals and dreams again. I realized I gave my power away to the pandemic, to the chaos across the country, to the antics of the government. These things do not define my life and it is my job to remain faithful and to keep dreaming. A few days ago, I wrote in my journal: “A goal is a dream of a new reality.” Or as Cinderella put it, “A dream is a wish your heart makes.”

This is important because I had stopped letting myself dream. I was only surviving day to day. Dreams are essential to thriving, it gives me a reason to make it through the day to day living. I remember many times I have read about people in the most dire of circumstances saying that they held on to their ability to dream and that is what got them through extreme and life-threatening experiences.

My dream of a new reality looks like everyone being treated equally; it’s kindness for all; it’s abundant opportunities for everyone; it’s peace; it’s health; it’s fairness for every living organism. It’s an uphill climb, no doubt about that. And it’s the climb that I am on. It’s the climb that I have committed myself to and it’s the climb that I absolutely will not quit.

As always, I send you my love. I wish to send you hope and faith, too, and the ability to remain resilient even when the chips are further down than we’ve seen before.

For August, I am bringing back one of my favorite things: The Casual Sunday Beer. If that’s all I do to celebrate this month, well then that’s simply enough for me because it is a huge blessing to afford it and enjoy it.

Note: Thank you to Abe for texting me a rocket ship yesterday and saying it was “because we are going for our dreams!” You reminded me how important that really is. Casual Sunday Beers on me.

May It Last

I am still not ready to say August is over. I even put off writing this post so that I could squeeze in a bit more of that August glow. I’m not saying it was a nonstop laugh-a-thon, but it had some very bright moments that I didn’t want to leave behind.

Alas, time marches on and I am now knee deep in the busy season of fall. And seriously, the past few weeks have been full of highs and lows for me and my friends and family. I'm looking at you, Irma. However, I’m going to be grateful for the good things and be at peace with the things that did not go well.

Here’s a quick recap of what I’ve been up to since the last time we spoke:

• Saw my favorite band with one of my favorite friends. The Avett Brothers played the San Diego Civic Theatre. They were hot, the crowd was tepid. My favorite part was flashing back to being my 21-year-old self at the Social in Orlando with Nina and seeing the Bros for the first time.
   
• Attended the Landmark Forum. If you have trouble letting of the past (honestly, that’s all of us, so don’t try to front), you need to get yourself enrolled in the Forum ASAP. I spent three 13-hour days in a conference room with 109 strangers creating a new me. It was amazing. The Landmark Forum is a personal development seminar that helps you to get to the bottom of the persistent issues in your life and resolve them! I’m always in pursuit of improving myself and this set me free in a big way. It is something I will never forget and I want everyone I know to do it, too.
   
• Spent Labor Day weekend attempting to escape the oppressive end-of-summer heat and lounging on the couch with my cat.
   
• Started yoga teacher training. This is something that I have wanted to do for a few years, but I struggled to find a program that suited my schedule. I also needed to get over the fact that I thought I wouldn’t be good at it. I took the leap and I am so happy that I am in the program and learning and growing. I love being a student.
   
• Tonight, I’m going to see the Avett Brothers documentary May It Last and I’m deeply excited about it.

Although I have a touch of melancholy that August is officially over, I am excited about where I am and I’m rooting for 2017 to turn things around for the nation and the world. It’s almost the fourth quarter, let’s end this on a high note, eh guys?

For August

Seven years ago on August 1, I got a grasshopper tattooed to the top of my left foot where I would be guaranteed to see it every day.

This grasshopper is to remind me that I do not always have to be the responsible ant. I need to balance my life and be the carefree grasshopper as well. If you don’t know the story of the Grasshopper and the Ants, take a few minutes and watch the Disney cartoon now. It is an old story, but this cartoon was the way that I first came to know it.

August is often the point in the year by when I’ve gotten too serious and I need to shake off the past seven months. Regroup and give myself a breath of fresh air. August 2016 was an epic one for me as I took my first solo trip out of the country. It was amazing and challenging and I loved every minute of it, but was so glad to get home as well.

These past seven months of 2017 have not been what I expected or planned, which I know is the way life goes. I will be taking this month to heal and rebuild and gather my strength. Over the past seven years, my August ritual has been an important one for my growth and getting my wits about me to end the year strong.

Yesterday, I asked the Universe for a sign so big that I could not ignore the message. My sign came in the form of a beautiful beetle that pestered me throughout my lunch hour - buzzing in my ear and constantly flying around me - and then landed on me. Yes, I did freak out that a giant beetle landed on me, but then I went back to my office and looked up the meaning of beetles.

There has been a lot written about the topic, but some of the messages that beetles bring are about grounding yourself, speaking your truth and transformation. Essentially, the things I strive for daily but especially during August. The beetle was the perfect sign for me as I begin this month of grounding and transformation. I will post updates of what I am up to throughout the month. I have made some plans and left room for spontaneity as well - the perfect balance of grasshopper and ant.